foodlife

date: august 31, 2005
bet: who won the game of bowling at lucky strike?
stakes: lunch
winner: mason
loser: olive
destination: foodlife (835 north michigan)
cost: $19.18

mason: the score of the bowling game was something ridiculous. olive would say it was close, but not close enough for her to celebrate after the fact. the fact was that any celebration that took place at lucky strike lanes that fateful day was a celebration in masonry. what's more, this was two wins in a row for me, which as it turns out, represented a turning point in the eating of chicago by olive and mason -- a turning point that generated a rule regarding simultaneous win scenarios, the first of which, we'll soon find out, was about to manifest itself.

olive: it's true. with our affinity for betting and rewarding winners of said bets, we determined that, should one of us win a series of four bets consecutively, they would be rewarded with the chauffeur services of the loser for the duration of one week. which meant at this point, mason was halfway to having me committed to carting him all around town, driving gloves and all.

mason: let's not forget about the chauffeur's driving hat either, olive. or the fact that the chauffeur would be at not only the beck, but also the call, of the quad-bet winner. and we certainly can't overlook the new title the driver must assume during their week of service, which, of course, would be left to the discretion of the winner, who I'm sure would take full advantage of this privilege by proclaiming that his or her counterpart would henceforth, for the duration of seven days, be called jeeves, wadsworth, or perhaps even bubba. or wait, what was the butler's name in Clue? man, i loved that movie--not only because of the crush i had on yvette, but also because it's just plain silly. anyway, if you can think of the butler's name, please post it.

so here i sat, fat with glory at food life with two wins under my belt, enjoying a celebratory endeavor into La Vida Mexico, where I feasted on a burrito the size of a small child, with a side of rice and beans. I'll leave the review of the food up to olive, as I'm fairly certain we shared similar views on the meal. before I do, however, I must say something about foodlife. and that something is this: i'll eat the hell out of everything there. i like it. i like it a lot. and as you'll find out, this would not be our last trip to food life, nor would this be my last win in a row...

olive: i, too, enjoyed a giant burrito filled with rice, beans, spicy chicken, sour cream, lettuce, tomatoes and guacamole, served hot and yummy. it was a calorie-fest fit for a queen, or a loser. a two-bet loser. but i think i'd like to explain a bit on how foodlife works. when you arrive, you are given a little foodlife credit card. they show you to a table and then you proceed to visit one or many of the various food stations. the price of each item you order is added to your card which is later settled at the cashier station on the way out. it's a pretty good system for a foodcourt. in fact, foodlife is the best foodcourt i've ever seen.

mason: i'll agree with that, though if you decide to drink water instead of ordering a soda pop (see how i assimilated to two regional dialects there?), be prepared to get up anywhere from two to eighteen times during your meal to refill your cup (in my case, due to the spiciness of the burrito, i had to get up around 12 times). what's with places only giving you tiny cups when you opt for water? i hate that. the next time that happens i'm going to make sure i have some tiny U.S. currency (monopodollars would work) with which i'll attempt to pay for my meal. upon refusal by the cash register attendant, which will most likely be accompanied by either a snicker or sneer, i'll explain my disgust with the tiny cup they just handed me and demand to be treated as soda pop drinker's equal. should they choose to stand their ground, i will refuse to produce authentic funds and abort the meal altogether. i will not, however, give them back the tiny cup. i will save it for the next time this happens so i won't have to abort the meal altogether because i'll have two tiny cups instead of just one, which is almost equal to one regular-sized cup.

so now that i've gotten that out of my system, let me thank you for indulging us once again and ask you to stay tuned for our next post where not only does mason go a bit comma crazy, but he also comes one step closer to being granted to right to wake olive up in the middle of the night to drive him to walgreen's for some cigarettes and sour patch kids. and as if that isn't enough, mason also makes a triumphant return to writing in the first person while his run-on sentences take a turn for the worst.